i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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