also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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