You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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