Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize