worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize