Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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