I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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