Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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