Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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