my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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