I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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