I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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