We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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