So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize