the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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