his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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