i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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