I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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