Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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