Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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