cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize