i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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