clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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