She is in my trunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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