You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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