and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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