It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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