Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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