I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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