i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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