Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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