we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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