I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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