just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize