Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize