mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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