So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize