I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize