I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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