Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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