I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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