I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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