Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
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The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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