You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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