i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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