Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize