Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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