Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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