I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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