she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
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i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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